Bolt's RP training!

Subject: Bolt's RP training! Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:23 pm

This is where Bolt will RP train, to become a better roleplayer!

Symbols:

☼ Not Improving

☼ Semi Improving

☼ Well Improving

THINGS TO REMEMBER/REMINDERS!:

Grammar- Make sure to make your words more sensable (example: Instead of she aint, it should be: she isnt). It will make your posts more understandable and well improved and what not. Also, people will also underdstand you more. ☼

Spelling- Make sure that your words are spelled correctly (example: bonce should be bounce). It is understandable and makes your words a lot more easier to read. Also, you can be a better speller. ☼

Punctuation- Always end your setences with a Period (.) If you dont then, someone will think that your sentence/paragraph continues also. Also, space out your commas (It makes your sentences organized and neat (example: I walked over to a tree, then sat under it.) Be sure to as well add a comma after she said, she snapped, she growled, etc (and also space out the comma before saying something else). ☼

Location:
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Description: This a hot and humid hills, with plenty of prey hiding in the burrows such as mice and rabbits.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:34 pm

(Sorry for double posting)

Pheonix sniffed the air, looking for prey. He smiled as he scented a rabbit, and slowly wet into a crouch, his tail tucked in. The male slowly walked toward the scent, and stopped as he found a burrow. Pheonix lashed his claws into the burrow and felt a tuft of fur. A rabbit flew out the burrow as he swung his paws out the burrow. Pheonix quickly pinned it down and clamped his jaws around its throat, until he felt the rabbit go limp. He smiled then buried it.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:48 am

Bolt came to the place. He saw Pheonix and runned to him. Bolt said to Pheonix "Hey Pheonix, how are you today". The male scaned the area, it was beautiful place. Bolt felt the fresh grass under his feet and the smell of herds. The place was remembering him about he and his family leaving in the open meadow.
(Sorry if there are mustakes in the spelling of the words but i wrote this on my iphone. Or if sentances don't make sence i wanted to finish the post fast, because writing on touch screen is hard.)

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:17 pm

(Ok, so you did good at the majority of the paragraph. But you said 'runned' instead of 'ran. And on 'The place was remembering him about he and his family', it doesn't really make sense, so change it to 'The place remembered him about the time when he and his family' instead. If you fix the spelling it would be perfect.)

The male pricked his ears Bolt asked him how he was. "Great" He grinned, then digged the place where he buried the rabbit. Pheonix clawed it out, and pushed it toward Bolt. "You could have that if you want" Pheonix remarked, and looked at the distance.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Sat Dec 29, 2012 5:24 pm

"Thank you" said Bolt. He digged up his fangs in the rabbits flesh and started eating it. Bolt finished the rabbit meal. "What do you want to do?" asked with a border in voice. The male was watching some birds in the sky flying. Then remembered that they could go fly. "Do you want to fly?" he asked with exitment.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Sun Dec 30, 2012 1:03 pm

('digged', is supposed to 'dug'. And when you say rabbits, put a comma, so it becomes rabbit's. On 'The male was watching some birds in the sky flying. Then remembered that they could go fly.' Try to attach the two sentences with a comma, so it doesn't look so choppy. You did pretty good:)

He pricked his ears as Bolt asked if he wanted to fly. "Sure" he grinned, then began darting across the hills, speeding up. Pheonix spread out his wings, then jumped into the air and began flapping his wings, letting him go higher into the sky. The male quickly balanced himself and glided across the sky, gazing below.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:47 am

Bolt did the same. He flyed around scaring the birds off. Bolt was flying by Pheonix feeling like a bird. "This is awsome!" he said shouting in exitment. Bolt flys higher and higher in the air. Faster and faster like a plain. He got tired and slowed up flying on one level with Pheonix.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:22 am

(So, you put 'flyed' instead of 'flied. Same for 'flys'. And on 'Bolt was flying by Pheonix feeling like a bird.' add a comma between Pheonix and feelings, so it makes more sense. Put a comma between the faster and faster and in the air, so it looks like it is describing it."

He grinned as he saw Bolt flying beside him. "This is pretty fun!" Pheonix yelped, then swooped down and shot up into the clouds, blinded by the whiteness. He widened his eyes as he saw a group of pigeons surging toward him. The male tried to go down, but the pigeons crashed into him, making him flail. Pheonix plummeted down and crashed onto the grass with a grunt. "Stupid birds" He muttered, then stood up and shook his pelt.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:19 pm

Bolt pushed the brds away "Hey watch out where you fly stupid birds" he shouted at the birds. He was flying high in the air forgeting about Pheonix, but didn't saw a cliff and crashed into it. Bolt feel dawn to his friend saying with smile "I think we need to keep our eyes open for everything when we fly.". Bolt laughed at his crash, it was really funny if you watch it, but not so if you really crash.

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:50 am

(Awesome! Just a few spelling mistakes, such as "saw" is supposed to be "see".)

He laughed as he saw Bolt crashing in with a cliff, and falling down. "You okay?" Pheonix teased, nudging Bolt to his paws. "Let's try again" He urged, then flapped his wings and flew into the sky.

-Had to make a quick post-

Subject: Re: Bolt's RP training! Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:03 pm

Bolt felt how the wings were getting smaller and smaller and disappered. "Oh, well we will go on a walk?" he said looking at the place were before a second were black wings. "I guess everything is normal" said to Pheonix. The male sat dawn to Pheonix bored they were going to fly "Do you got your"s still?" he asked hoping he could watch as Pheonix fly.

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