Sun Blaze Pack
Hello, Guests i'm Karsy the founder of the pack.We are happy you visited our little family pack. We are pack with good history and fun events, so if you mind to join please view the rules and our history. Then go to Forum applications and post a joining form. The pack will be glad if you join. Thanks for reading!


Into the sun hight in the sky one pack watches the word with eagle eyes.
 
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 Bolt's RP training!

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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Bolt's RP training!   Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:23 pm

This is where Bolt will RP train, to become a better roleplayer!


Symbols:

Not Improving

Semi Improving

Well Improving

THINGS TO REMEMBER/REMINDERS!:

Grammar- Make sure to make your words more sensable (example: Instead of she aint, it should be: she isnt). It will make your posts more understandable and well improved and what not. Also, people will also underdstand you more.

Spelling- Make sure that your words are spelled correctly (example: bonce should be bounce). It is understandable and makes your words a lot more easier to read. Also, you can be a better speller.

Punctuation- Always end your setences with a Period (.) If you dont then, someone will think that your sentence/paragraph continues also. Also, space out your commas (It makes your sentences organized and neat (example: I walked over to a tree, then sat under it.) Be sure to as well add a comma after she said, she snapped, she growled, etc (and also space out the comma before saying something else).

Location:

Description: This a hot and humid hills, with plenty of prey hiding in the burrows such as mice and rabbits.


Last edited by Pheonix on Sun Dec 30, 2012 12:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:34 pm

(Sorry for double posting)

Pheonix sniffed the air, looking for prey. He smiled as he scented a rabbit, and slowly wet into a crouch, his tail tucked in. The male slowly walked toward the scent, and stopped as he found a burrow. Pheonix lashed his claws into the burrow and felt a tuft of fur. A rabbit flew out the burrow as he swung his paws out the burrow. Pheonix quickly pinned it down and clamped his jaws around its throat, until he felt the rabbit go limp. He smiled then buried it.
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Bolt
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Best Poster


Character Age : 3 years and twelve mouths
Posts : 319
Dominant Trust : 15220
Location : Here with the hole pack.

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:48 am

Bolt came to the place. He saw Pheonix and runned to him. Bolt said to Pheonix "Hey Pheonix, how are you today". The male scaned the area, it was beautiful place. Bolt felt the fresh grass under his feet and the smell of herds. The place was remembering him about he and his family leaving in the open meadow.
(Sorry if there are mustakes in the spelling of the words but i wrote this on my iphone. Or if sentances don't make sence i wanted to finish the post fast, because writing on touch screen is hard.)
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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:17 pm

(Ok, so you did good at the majority of the paragraph. But you said 'runned' instead of 'ran. And on 'The place was remembering him about he and his family', it doesn't really make sense, so change it to 'The place remembered him about the time when he and his family' instead. If you fix the spelling it would be perfect.)

The male pricked his ears Bolt asked him how he was. "Great" He grinned, then digged the place where he buried the rabbit. Pheonix clawed it out, and pushed it toward Bolt. "You could have that if you want" Pheonix remarked, and looked at the distance.
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Bolt
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Character Age : 3 years and twelve mouths
Posts : 319
Dominant Trust : 15220
Location : Here with the hole pack.

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Sat Dec 29, 2012 5:24 pm

"Thank you" said Bolt. He digged up his fangs in the rabbits flesh and started eating it. Bolt finished the rabbit meal. "What do you want to do?" asked with a border in voice. The male was watching some birds in the sky flying. Then remembered that they could go fly. "Do you want to fly?" he asked with exitment.
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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Sun Dec 30, 2012 1:03 pm

('digged', is supposed to 'dug'. And when you say rabbits, put a comma, so it becomes rabbit's. On 'The male was watching some birds in the sky flying. Then remembered that they could go fly.' Try to attach the two sentences with a comma, so it doesn't look so choppy. You did pretty good:)

He pricked his ears as Bolt asked if he wanted to fly. "Sure" he grinned, then began darting across the hills, speeding up. Pheonix spread out his wings, then jumped into the air and began flapping his wings, letting him go higher into the sky. The male quickly balanced himself and glided across the sky, gazing below.
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Bolt
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Character Age : 3 years and twelve mouths
Posts : 319
Dominant Trust : 15220
Location : Here with the hole pack.

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:47 am

Bolt did the same. He flyed around scaring the birds off. Bolt was flying by Pheonix feeling like a bird. "This is awsome!" he said shouting in exitment. Bolt flys higher and higher in the air. Faster and faster like a plain. He got tired and slowed up flying on one level with Pheonix.
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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:22 am

(So, you put 'flyed' instead of 'flied. Same for 'flys'. And on 'Bolt was flying by Pheonix feeling like a bird.' add a comma between Pheonix and feelings, so it makes more sense. Put a comma between the faster and faster and in the air, so it looks like it is describing it."

He grinned as he saw Bolt flying beside him. "This is pretty fun!" Pheonix yelped, then swooped down and shot up into the clouds, blinded by the whiteness. He widened his eyes as he saw a group of pigeons surging toward him. The male tried to go down, but the pigeons crashed into him, making him flail. Pheonix plummeted down and crashed onto the grass with a grunt. "Stupid birds" He muttered, then stood up and shook his pelt.
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Bolt
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Character Age : 3 years and twelve mouths
Posts : 319
Dominant Trust : 15220
Location : Here with the hole pack.

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:19 pm

Bolt pushed the brds away "Hey watch out where you fly stupid birds" he shouted at the birds. He was flying high in the air forgeting about Pheonix, but didn't saw a cliff and crashed into it. Bolt feel dawn to his friend saying with smile "I think we need to keep our eyes open for everything when we fly.". Bolt laughed at his crash, it was really funny if you watch it, but not so if you really crash.
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Pheonix
Lead Warrior
Lead Warrior


Character Age : Two years nine months
Posts : 201
Dominant Trust : 14902
Location : Seoul, South Korea

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:50 am

(Awesome! Just a few spelling mistakes, such as "saw" is supposed to be "see".)

He laughed as he saw Bolt crashing in with a cliff, and falling down. "You okay?" Pheonix teased, nudging Bolt to his paws. "Let's try again" He urged, then flapped his wings and flew into the sky.

-Had to make a quick post-
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Bolt
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Character Age : 3 years and twelve mouths
Posts : 319
Dominant Trust : 15220
Location : Here with the hole pack.

PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:03 pm

Bolt felt how the wings were getting smaller and smaller and disappered. "Oh, well we will go on a walk?" he said looking at the place were before a second were black wings. "I guess everything is normal" said to Pheonix. The male sat dawn to Pheonix bored they were going to fly "Do you got your"s still?" he asked hoping he could watch as Pheonix fly.
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PostSubject: Re: Bolt's RP training!   Today at 4:05 pm

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Bolt's RP training!
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